Kyle's Written Testimony

Hi, my name’s Kyle. I’m a freshman student from Ohio and this is my story. As a kid I grew up in a Christian home and my family were Christians. It was actually them who introduced me to God. In the first four years of my life, I didn’t know God, that is mainly because I grew up with my grandparents and they didn’t know God. When I was at age four (or five) I started living with my mom and my siblings. That is actually the very fist time I met them personally. My dad died when I was only a year old and I never got to meet him. I only knew his name and I only saw his face in one or two pictures and I never ask my mom about him because it seems like its a sensitive subject for her. He isn’t really a good figure to talk about. He wasn’t a Christian and he was an alcoholic and a drug addict, so I understand why my mom doesn’t want to talk about him. I also just learned those facts few months ago and I’m already fifteen. But I bear no grudge to my mom or to him, even though I really wish that he was there for my mom and he didn’t leave her. Well, in this case she left him because he wasn’t really a father head for me and my siblings. Besides that, I really wished that he was a better man, because I know that my mom struggled raising four kids on her own. But I also know that God had a plan for my mom, now I’m glad that she found a man that would take care of her, even if it took her 12 years to find him. Growing up, I can personally say that life was really great and it was problem free. But then when I was in middle school, life suddenly went down hill for me and I hit rock bottom. There was so many problems happening around me; with my friends, my siblings, and myself...and since I was just in middle school I didn’t know how to deal with those problems, the right way. So instead of asking for help to God and to those who are around, I chose to not do that...intead I chose the wrong path to deal with it...I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I started doing stuff I shouldn’t be doing. I said words that shouldn’t have been said...I just fell into this bad cycle and I know that it was wrong, but it was my escape. It helped me escape my so called reality and problems, but it only worked for a few months. It was because those things didn’t fill in the void that I was feeling, and I know that God’s love is the only thing that can fill it, but I was stubborn so I shut God down again. I kept shutting him down, and I did that for almost a year...and whenever I would try to talk to him, I feel like He wasn’t there. I know that He was there and that it was actually me who turned away from Him. Around that time, my eye sight was just really blurry and foggy and it was hard for me to see what was in front of me. I was blided by these lies the devil put in in my head and I also began believing it. I think it got worse especially during this year’s summer, it was probably because I was left unsupervised half of summer vacation and having the “I can do anything” mindset made me do stuff I shouldn’t have done. It was like I’ve fallen into this hole and the deeper I fall into it, the harder it was for me to get out from it. And I also know that those thing that I began doing was wrong, but I guess the more I got exposed and used to it, the more I started thinking that it was an okay thing to do. But the good thing is that I manage to get out of that hole and I stopped doing those stuff when summer was over. But when Freshman year started, I fell into another hole. I felt like the void in me was only getting bigger and bigger and it was getting harder for me to find something to fill it in. Along with that, the devil also began pouring lies into my head and the more I got exposed to those lies the more I started believing it. So I fell into depression. I stopped eating and I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I would always put a fake smile on and I would tell a lie whenever someone asks me if I was fine. But one day, I woke up really early and at first I was thinking of wasting my time doing random stuff, but when I looked at my desk, I saw my Bible just laying there. I decided that maybe I would give God a chance again and so I began reading it. I opened it where my bookmark was on, but I didn’t feel anything. So I began praying, I only planned on doing it for a few seconds only to ask Him to help me understand the Bible, but seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. All of the stuff that I bottled up was pouring out and I was just asking Him to help me. I can tell you that I said “help me God” at least a thousand times. In the end of my prayer, I asked Him to talk to me or at least to show a sign that He was actually listening. After that, I opened my Bible again, and this time I opened it in a random chapter. And it just so happens to open in Psalm 120:1 which says, “I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me.” After reading that, I know that God was listening to me and that was His confirmation from my prayer. But He just didn’t stop there, when I looked on the other side of my Bible, it was the next chapter, Psalm 121. It says, “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber...The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand...The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” After I read that, I was really amazed, because it was probably the quickest reply I’ve gotten from Him and I know that it wasn’t just a coincidence when that happened. I opened other books and chapters from the Bible and it was almost about the same subject eveytime. And after that day, I began working on the relationships that I destroyed; with my family, my siblings, my friends and especially with God. Now, not only I managed to fill in that void when I let God in again in my life, but also I finally stopped trying to climb out of the hole I’ve fallen in. I know that it was a pretty deep fall, and before I would try to climb out of it using my own strength but now I finally let God help me out of it. And I can tell you this, it was the best decision ever. I guess the reason why most Christians fall away from God is because they got caught up in religion instead of their relationship with God. I mean, that’s what happened to me. I got caught up with religion and I began focusing on all the rules, laws or what have you. I felt like someone drew a circle around me, and if I cross that line I feel like God would judge me and I would condemn myself. That is part of the reason why I started falling into the cycle I shouldn’t have fallen into. But now, I finally manage to focus on my relationship with God. This is only the beginning of my testimony. I’m still a work in progress and I know that God has other plans for me, so I’m just gonna let him be the anchor of my ship, He will keep my feet at the ground when the waves are really rough and when the storm is really bad. I know that in the future there will be other storms to face and rough waves to encounter but I also know that God will be there with me though everything. Just like my favorite quotes says, “a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”